DDDDL #9: Smile!

I can’t turn my brain off. I know this is a good thing, but I wish it would simmer down for a few hours a day- at least while I’m sleeping. I’ve been so busy/ stressed/ insane at work that I find my mind won’t slow down even when I’m asleep. All the minute issues or situations that arise during day that I don’t have time to address are creeping their way into my dreams. I’m not kidding. I’m problem solving in my sleep, except they are the most inane problems you’ve ever encountered: my boss’s question about our fundraiser BBQ, the price difference of avocados at Harris Teeter as opposed to Food Lion, the fastest route between my class sites, the best place to buy bathing suits online (buying them in person has become just too depressing). All of these are insignificant issues, but I have woken up every night around 3 or 4 am mumbling and/ or yelling, “I know! I’ll send her (my boss) an email!” or “Food Lion’s always cheaper” or “Stop driving down Hillsborough St., Caroline. You’ll hit a college student.” But none of these mumblings are as weird or bizarre as, “It’s all so clear! The Ten Commandments!” WHAT? I know I’m a busy gal, but last time I checked I wasn’t leading anyone to the Promised Land nor have I parted any seas lately. I consider myself a faithful person, but God hasn’t handed me any stone tablets. So, what’s up with my early morning Ten Commandment rants? I dunno, and I’m too exhausted to figure them out. I did think, however, they would make a good blog post. So here we go.

Now, I’m not God, or anywhere close, nor do I want to be. But, when I started thinking about the Ten Commandments I would write, I was at a loss. What am I THAT knowledgeable about that I could write commandments on it? That’s easy: nothing. I do, however, have my point of view and my passions; both of which have led me to a very transient life filled with lots of interesting people and weird experiences. As a disclaimer: my commandments won’t make you a better person, nor a happier, more fulfilled, skinnier, saner, nicer, richer, more centered, prettier, smarter, healthier person. Mine will help you keep a smile.

My fellow travelers, teachers, gringos in South America, working 20-somethings, and really all humans have found themselves in unpleasant situations. Sleeping in a bus station, teaching a class of twenty high school football players, arriving too early to a party, sitting through a meeting with a horrible boss…life is filled with unpleasant situations. I’ll illustrate my Ten Commandments of Smiling through an Unpleasant Situation with one of the most unpleasant situations of my life: Montezuma’s Revenge (aka horrific gastrointestinal problems/ food poisoning/ explosive diarrhea….I mean if we are going to get unpleasant, let’s go all the way) during my study abroad home stay.

1. Thou Shall Smile. I studied abroad in Mexico 6 years ago, and it’s a gentle assessment to say that my Spanish sucked when I arrived. As I walked down the stairs of my Mexican host family’s home one morning, I realized I didn’t have the linguistic capability to articulate in Spanish what was going on in my GI tract. Somehow I had to communicate to my host mom that I couldn’t go to school because I might vomit on the way there. I walked into the kitchen where she was making my breakfast, and since I didn’t know what to say, I smiled and pointed to my stomach. She said, “Entiendo. Súbete al cuarto. No vayas a la escuela.”/ “I understand. Go upstairs. You’re not going to school.” This was obviously not her first rodeo.

2. Thou Shall Continue to Smile. Instead of going to my room upstairs, I went to the bathroom and emptied out all of my insides (something I thought I had done for hours the night before). When I finished, I crawled in my bed. I grinned a very, very small grin. At least I didn’t have to sit through Spanish grammar class.

3. Thou Shall Breathe in Through the Nose and out Through the Mouth. That morning, every time I got the urge to empty my insides into the toilet bowl, I told myself to hold off. Just breathe and maybe the awful pain would pass. In through the nose, out through the mouth, in through the nose, out through the mouth. It rarely worked, but when it did, I was happy for this very small victory.

4. Thou Shall Say “Thank You”. Later that day, my host mom came up to my room with crackers and what I thought was water. She made me sit up and poured me a glass of a clear liquid. She told me to drink the whole glass, but the moment the liquid touched my tongue, it was very apparent that it was not water. It was some horrible Mexican Pedialite cousin. She looked at me, smiled, and said, “¿Es fea, no?”/ “It’s ugly, right?” Ugly is putting it nicely. My vomit tasted better than this horrid, viscous, bitter electrolyte drink. But, I smiled, drank it, and said, “Gracias”.

5. Thou Shall Remember Everyone is Human and all Humans Screw Up. As I laid in bed between trips to the toilet, I wondered, “How did this happen?” I was so careful. I never used water to brush my teeth. I closed my mouth in the shower. I ALWAYS washed my hands. And despite how wonderfully scrumptious it smelled, I never ate the food from street vendors. Where did I go wrong? Was it my host mom’s meals? For a fleeting moment, I got angry with her. Did she forget to sanitize a piece of food? Was she the reason for the worst abdominal pain of my life? But, even if it was her fault, I ate the food. I was ultimately to blame. I screwed up. I’m only human.

6. Thou Shall Wallow (but only for a minute). The next day I mustered the strength to walk to my study abroad office to see what I had missed from the day before. I also figured the fresh air would do me good. Wrong. Mexico has lots of smells- both good and bad. I struggled to keep my Mexican Pedialite down as I walked by butcher shops, street meat vendors, and the multitude of panaderìas/ bakeries (usually a welcome smell, but not with my hypersensitive gastrointestinal system). I vomited AND emptied my bowels upon arrival at the office. Gross AND embarrassing. After I hugged the toilet at my office for a while, I bought a calling card and called my mom. Long distance, I cried on the phone to her about how horrible I felt and how badly I wanted her to take care of me. It was pathetic. After I let it all out and made a complete spectacle of myself at the public telephone booth, she told me I wasn’t going to die. Get it together Caroline. People get sick even if they steer clear of the street meat. I let out a sigh, dried my tears, and my wallowing was finished.

7. Thou Shall Laugh instead of Cry. I walked home from the office feeling a bit better. I still felt incredibly weak and the smells de Mexico still were making me want to upchuck, but I had heard my mom’s voice and somehow that made things OK. My mind, however, was still wondering how I got sick when I was so meticulously careful. I thought about my fellow study abroad classmates. They ate street meat ALL THE TIME, and none of them were sick. Not fair! I actually had to laugh at this though. I was the one who always carried antibacterial spray and only drank bottled water, and yet I was the first one to get sick. This would be my luck. Hah!

8. Thou Shall Imagine How the Situation Could Be Worse. Also lifting my spirits was my caring host mom. She knew exactly what to feed my very sensitive stomach- BRAT: Bananas, Rice, Apples, Toast. And gross Mexican Pedialite. She treated me like one of her own children. She made sure I was staying hydrated even though we couldn’t communicate very well. I don’t know what I would have done without her. Really though…what would I have done? What if I was alone? There would have been no way I could have communicated myself in order to buy Mexican Pedialite or to tell my professors I was missing class because my bowels were having a fiesta. What if my host family didn’t have running water? What if I couldn’t call my mom? As horrible as my situation was, there were plenty of ways it could have been worse.

9. Thou Shall Be Thankful It’s Not. I don’t know if I’ve ever been so grateful for my host mom, BRAT, Mexican Pedialite, international calling cards, and a flushing toilet.

10. Thou Shall not Forget to Smile 🙂 I got back to my host family’s house and I still felt like crap (pun intended), but knew it would soon pass (also intended). I took a nap and made myself smile. For my condition, I was in a very forgiving environment. I was in Mexico where naps are sacred and where everyone at one point in time or another has had a nasty tangle with Montezuma’s Revenge.

I’m no Moses. I’m no Lord. I am well-reversed in unpleasant situations. I also really like smiling. Perhaps after writing this, my mind will simmer down and I won’t have any more early morning brainstorming sessions. I will have flushed my mind of these unresolved problems. If not, at least I know how to smile about it 🙂

Crazy, horned, Mexican study abroad student at the running of the bulls....smiling of course